Support Breast Cancer Awareness

Saturday, July 30, 2011

summer fun or summer bummed

Last year when we moved to Oregon we had the most beautiful summer weather and I couldn't wait until summer arrived again.  Unfortunately it was a long winter and summer didn't seem like it was ever going to come.  All winter as it got dark early and rained, alot I had visions of bright sunny days, frolicking by the pool with my kids, playing at the park and having all sorts of summer fun.

I was spending alot of time in the gym determined to work off the weight I had gained since moving here and to have my old summer body that I apparently left in Cincinnati and am never getting back.  The one sunny day we got teased with I pulled out my shorts only to find out they were quite tight, damm all those Starbucks coffee's!

Sadly I had to go to Old Navy and buy some new shorts in a size I will never admit to anyone and I'm cursing myself for giving all the clothes I had post baby away.  How silly of me to think once I lost baby weight it would stay off forever and I would remain my size 3.  Joke was definitely on me.  I got better at hiding my mid section and expanding hips and spanx were my new best friend.  I decided I was going to exercise, eat healthy, but still have my splurges and accept my body the way it is.  That was until I walked into a little boutique called OLIVE in the mall one afternoon while I was waiting for my cell phone to be fixed.   It was there I was slapped with the harsh reality of being told by a man that I had MUFFIN TOP!!

Of course, those of you who know me know that I do not look like this, or at least I don't think I do.  Nor would I be caught dead wearing a crop top even if I had the body.  Well, when I was 18 I think I wore one but not at 40. Now that my self esteem was smashed like a bug, I wasn't sure whether to go home and never eat again or go home and eat an entire sleeve of Oreos.  A few days later we went on vacation and when looking at t-shirts I was told by some 21 year old kid ( a guy, again) that research has shown the typical woman beer drinker is not a smaller gal which is why they don't make t-shirts in medium and that medium would fit me just fine.  Is this a sign I need to apply to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser?  My summer was slowly becoming very depressing. I definitely was not frolicking by the pool for several reasons 1( according to 2 men I am a fat cow and should probably not subject any one to having to see my body, especially in a bathing suit 2) I don't think moms frolic anyways or maybe ones with nannies do.
3) it was never warm enough to even make me want to take the kids to the pool, even though it is heated and 4) my children weren't making my summer any better with there behavior these days.

Let's move onto my adorable children shall we.  I love my children, don't get me wrong.  When they are asleep, I watch them and thank God for giving me these beautiful children. When they give me hugs & kisses and tell me how much they love me and when we snuggle, read books and play games I think I would never want to be anywhere else than here.  Unfortunately those moments only last about maybe 30 minutes.  I thought as they got older, it was easier to go places and in some cases that may be true, it isn't always. 

So far this summer I have spent a great day at the park until Parker thought it would be funny to take off running down a big hill and into the middle of a busy street as I chased him down the hill holding my friends 8 month old baby  This picture was before Parker's mad dash to the street

. I have had Regan beg for a big girl bike only to have her terrified of it and refuse to touch it ( up until a few days ago).I had one talk non-stop through the CARS 2 movie while the other one was freaked out that the seat was going to fold up and suck him in.( although after I promised to keep my hand or foot on it the entire movie, he was as good as gold). I have gone berry picking only to have my kids want to stay in the air conditioned car watching the DVD player.  Meghan, I hope you don't mind Diego is in this picture.

. I have taken them to so many fun places, the park, farmer's market, movies, NW Kids Club splashpads, the carousel, playdates, dance classes, gymnastics just to name a few only to watch them fight, have meltdowns, cry and ask to go home.  When we are at home, they are bored, when we are out, they want to go home.... I can't win!! From the time they wake up until the time they go to bed, all I hear is she hit me, he hit me, he took this, she took this, he's doing this, she's doing that, I want this, I want that... mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.......... can I please freaking change my name??????  I always wonder about those super moms who claim to love mommyhood 27/7 and being with there kids non-stop.  I'm pretty convinced that if they are lying or very medicated.  Regan never stops talking and Parker is mostly mellow until his sister really pisses him off then it's all down hill.  I am still not sure how one little person can talk so freaking much.  She is as cute as can be and some of the stuff she says is freaking hilarious, but please for 10 minutes just SHUT UP WILL YA???? I have been very good about saying can you please be quiet and not using the word shut up, but since Looney Toons uses it, Parker loves to say ahhh SHUT UP.  I keep trying to explain that is not nice, but Daffy Duck says it so it must be ok, right?? No, not really. How can 1 little 5 year old have so much to say, she is going to be in so much trouble in school, I feel so sorry for her teachers.  

I feel like I yell alot  and my kids say I do but my friend Jenn says I am very calm and don't yell as much as I think I do. I am really trying to be more patient, but I am not as patient as a 40 year old mom as when I was a 22 year old mom.

As much as they make me crazy, want to scream, drive off a bridge or drink myself into oblivion I love them more than anything in the world and just keep remembering what my mom always tells me. Payback is a BITCH!!


  1. I am with you! I feel like a complete failure in this process of mothering more often then not. It is a constant stuggle to change my parenting so that I can get through to my children. So that I can help them be the best people possible for when they enter the real world. The stress of the reponsiblity is overwalming some days. It is exhausting! You are a great mom! And are clearly not alone in this mission. Love your blog!

  2. Ahhhh, sibling rivalry...I remember it well. Did you and your sister fight too?
    And I guess I didn't notice any change in your size when I saw you at the gym, but even gaining 5 pounds on us shorties shows up so much more than anyone over 5'5"!!! Good luck with getting back down...don't give up on it. It will come...sometimes it's other things we don't even realize causing weight gain (stress, depression...fighting children) You are fabulous!