My life has always seemed kind of chaotic, my husband seems to think I attract the chaos, I disagree. I will admit I can not relax to much and am super sensitive. My husband has an odd sense of humor and I tend to get my feelings hurt, but have gotten better over the years. I have always craved order and neatness in my life, I have never dealt well with mess, clutter and chaos, even as a child. A place for everything and everything in it's place. I can never just do the bare minimum, It's all or nothing, go big or go home. Later in life a doctor would tell me I was OCD.... This perhaps could be the reason I need to take Xanax ( LOL)
Before I had children, I was never late, always dressed up with hair and make up done, could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound, I had money to buy clothes, shoes and purses and could come and go as I pleased.
I had Kyle when I just turned 22 and I was a delusional mom. My child was going to sleep through the night, never have colic, be potty trained early, never have a binky or suck his thumb or be attached to a blankie, never run around in just a diaper or with a dirty face, always have perfectly matched outfits and so on and so on. While he was a good sleeper and didn't have a binky and wasn't a thumb sucker, he had a blankie that to this day he keeps in his underwear drawer( he'll kill me for saying that), he potty trained by 3, but also had a bottle until 3. I have pictures of him running down the side walk in just a diaper with a dirty face and accepted defeat, I was one of "those moms" The kind of mom that was a good mom, but sometimes, just too tired to care. I cared that he was fed, dry, happy and healthy , but didn't care enough if someone snickered at me because he was playing outside in just a diaper on a 95 degree day. I worked when Kyle was a baby, but was always there and as he went into school, I volunteered, went on field trips and made treats. Not just any treats, but the kind of treat that other moms hated me for, the ones that made them feel inadequate even though that was never my intention. I was an overachiever and I was going to do whatever I could to make my son happy even though he could careless what type of treats I made. It wasn't until he got older that he said he appreciated all I did for him and his classmates. I tried to be the best mom I could, coaching soccer, helping with t-ball, playdates, parks, zoo, library, Kings Island etc etc... I would see moms with more than 1 and think how in the hell do they do it, I am worn out with one. Fast forward 13 years later....
Regan was born when Kyle was 13 and Parker was born 12 months and 12 days later. If anyone ever needed Xanax, it was me. My saving grace was I had great sleepers along with a great husband and family. This time around I was blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids but found it much for difficult to juggle 3 kids. Kyle was in middle school and always needed to be somewhere, I still went on field trips, volunteered in the school bookstore up until I was about to pop out both kids and soldiered on through a zoo field trip with a class of obnoxious 13 year olds while 9 months pregnant and chaperoned school dances. More and more often I left the house unshowered or bathed by only a wet wipe, no make up and hair in a ponytail and not caring. I could no longer eat whatever I wanted and started to get the dreaded "muffin top" I no longer felt sexy and vibrant, I felt like a big tub of goo. I started exercising and running, lost the weight I wanted but was no longer able to eat whatever I wanted, getting old is a bitch!
Taking 2 children 12 months apart out of the house seemed to be more a challenge once they were both walking and and once they were I was asked constantly if they were twins. When I would say no 12 months apart I would get " the look" or "the sigh" followed by some rude comment. Obviously at least 95% of peoples mothers never taught them the rule if you cant say anything nice, just don't say it.
I still strive to be super mom and joined a moms group, threw parties, organized crafts and playdates, our days were always full and I was always tired.
I longed for the day that they started pre-school and it was the most glorious day of my life when I found out Parker could start at 2 1/2 and he and Regan could go on the same days. I signed them up without hesitation and off they went. I was given a snack list and every holiday given an assignment for the class party. Of course on snack day I just couldn't bring any snack,. snacks out of a box clearly wont do, so off to the craft store and grocery store we would go to prepare not only a yummy snack, but put it in a fun container of some sort.
As I sat up until after midnight last night prepping craft projects and putting together goody bags for Valentines this year, I hope they ,like Kyle will appreciate all what mom does from them because I do enjoy it , but I also wonder if they will look back and just think that mom was just plain ol crazy??
So off we go daily to pre-school, playdates, park, library etc.. etc... I feel like we are in the car more than we are home . As they get older it is easier to be on the go, not always, but most of the time. While it seems like I complain alot, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
My saving grace as been friends, neighbors and the moms group. Nothing ends a long week like a happy hour playdate~Cheers everyone!