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Friday, March 18, 2011

Cutting the cord

I learned the hard way that sometimes doing to much for your child can hinder them and not help them.  Kyle was my only child for so long and he was very spoiled.  Not only did I, but grandma's, aunts and cousins also did everything for him.  As he got older we all began to realize that we didn't do him any favors.  That has always been a struggle I have had with Clint is how I "coddle" him and need to make him more responsible.

I have to wake him up, he can not get up with an alarm, that will not help him later in life.  I finally stopped packing his lunch and if he doesn't do it, then he just doesn't have lunch.   He does do his own laundry, although he will let it sit longer than I'd like in the washer or dryer.  There are alot of things he asks me to do that he could totally do on his own and I can't fault him because I raised him that way.

Kyle is now 18 and I finally had to just set him free and let him learn his lessons the hard way.  Yesterday was that day.  Kyle has flown almost every month for the past few months and knows you need an ID to travel.  Before we left for the airport, I asked him 3 times if he had his ID and debit card.  I also told him we couldn't check him in online because the system was down so he would need his ID or debit card and go to the kiosk to check in.  He told me he was not stupid and knew what he was doing, alrighty then.....

On the drive up he decides to try and re-pack his bag in the car, is climbing from the front of the van to the back, clothes all over the place.  All I keep thinking is this is not my problem.

We drive almost an hour to the Portland airport, get to the curb at departures and I mention the kiosk again to which he replies " I need my ID"?  I am sure you all can imagine my reaction.  He starts t freak out, I start yelling because I asked him 3 times before we left and he tried to tell me he didn't know.  I am on fire by this point.  He climbs back up to the front seat, and starts to get out but all his stuff is not in his bag.  The United curb drop off is packed and I am half in and half out of a spot because people do not know how to pull up to a curb and make room for others.  He is trying to organize his bag, asked me what to do while people are honking there horns and the cop is flagging me to go.  I told him to figure it out and shoved him out of the car and sped off.  He had a debit card, cash and a cell phone, he could take the shuttle or a cab back to Salem if he needed to, but I was not helping him.  He got himself into this mess and he was going to be an adult like he keeps telling me he is and get himself out of it.  My mom was not to please I left him "stranded" , you would have thought I left Parker alone at the airport.  Nana is super protective her her #1 grandson.

They let him on the plane after extensive searching and body scanning but he was not going to be able to get back through CVG airport.  I told him I would ship his ID to Nana's and thought that would be the end of it.  Problem is, we can't find his ID and it is not where he thought it was.   Well, too bad, so sad I say and figure out how you are going to get back home.  I'm sure my mom will take care of it for him because after I asked her at least 10 times on the phone not to and to let him figure out his own mess I could tell she was going to do it.  That is not helping me or him.  We all should have been sent to enablers anonymous years ago.

I can guarantee you Regan and Parker are 100 times more responsible at 4 & 5 than Kyle ever was and I also realize it is my fault so I am not going to repeat the cycle with the next 2.

Don't get me wrong, Kyle is a  great kid and can be responsible.  He is amazing with kids, incredible with his brother and sister, kind and caring but he needs to learn to do more on his own especially since he is 18 and wants to move to San Diego.  I am trying to give him the reality of the big picture.

He assures me and Nana he will take care of getting back to Portland and I hope he does.  I just hope he doesn't have the same ID as Nana and thinks he can go to the DMV and get a new one being he has no SS card, no birth certificate with him nor is he an Ohio resident.  Good luck!

He has 10 days to figure it out and we'll see what happens, until then I am going to enjoy not having to hide food, clean up after him and PRAY alot that he figures this all out and realizes mom did this all out of love.

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